List #6
The Seven Dwarves
Stinky
Poopie
Sneezy
Scaby (like scabies)
Scrapie (like the disease)
Scrappy
Harlot
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Opera #3
Opera #3
I guess these aren't operas, they're just songs. I just started doing this thing where I replace a word for something random. These are my golden babies:
This little sponge of mine;
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little sponge of mine;
I'm gonna let it shine.
New and Improved
I guess these aren't operas, they're just songs. I just started doing this thing where I replace a word for something random. These are my golden babies:
This little sponge of mine;
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little sponge of mine;
I'm gonna let it shine.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vnei94grw8k
The jigsaw shack is a little old place
where we can get together
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=leohcvmf8kM
The Internet is for pron
The Internet is for pron
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRgNOyCnbqg
The Internet is for pron
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRgNOyCnbqg
Don't cha wish your trollop* was just like me?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=riodgm3u4H4
These pretzel illusions are in my head
Did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them
Is like parting with a childhood best friend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGJaKeYwOFo
Did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them
Is like parting with a childhood best friend
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGJaKeYwOFo
Bean, beans, the magical fruit
The more you masturbate, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
The more you masturbate, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
Let's have beans for every meal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psiPK07sXsY
California girls, we're unforgettable
Daisy dukes, potatoes on top
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kelUCEcdO8M
I wanna be a poopy bear so fuckin' bad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aRor905cCw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aRor905cCw
Freedom
Ketchup
Freedom
Ketchup
Ketchup
Freedom
Ketchup
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlHUauwdv4k (ish)
Rainbow Brite
Rainbow Brite
One a penny, two a penny
Rainbow Brite
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICiYe_CRnpg
My BAPS, my BAPS
My lovely lady BAPS
Check it out
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRmYfVCH2UA
*Incidentally, trollop is my new favorite word
Today #17
Today #17
Cheeri-O's
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Idea #1
Idea #1
Crime and Punishment
After I become a biochemist, I will find a way to temporarily alter certain body parts and functions. Then, I will use this as a punishment for crimes. For example: If you're caught stealing something, you'll be punished with having enormous, sausage fingers for two months. For ugly graffiti, you will be re-engineered fart loudly and with a foul odor for a whole week. For driving under the influence, you will become lactose and gluten intolerant for a year. (This one is really bad because I think drinking under the influence is one of the worst things to do ever.) If you're already lactose and gluten intolerant, you will just have really runny poop every third month. Lots of leakage.
Recipe #3
Recipe #3
Pesto Rolls
Dough (adapted from the Moscow Food Co-op website)
1 1/4 cups water
1 cup of milk
1 tbsp honey
1/2 tbsp yeast
2 tsp salt
1 tbsp melted butter
5 1/2 cups flour
Put the milk and water in a heatproof bowl or measuring cup and heat in the microwave until very warm to the touch. Pour into a bowl and add yeast and honey. Stir until yeast is dissolved and let sit for about five minutes, or not. Add the salt and the butter, stir. Add flour and mix until combined. Remove from bowl and place on floured surface. Kneed for five to ten minutes, adding flour as you go. Don't add too much, as most people do--the dough should be very soft and moist, but should not stick to your hand when squeezed. Don't make it too dry! Place into bowl and cover. Let sit for ten minutes to an hour or longer, depending on how much you want. You don't even have to let it rise if you don't have time, you just won't have as much dough.
Pesto (adapted from the book, Pestos!)
2 cups fresh basil
2 cloves garlic or more
1/4 cup pine nuts
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
1/4 cup olive oil
salt and pepper
water
Put all ingredients into a food processor and chop until it's a fine paste. Add water until paste is the consistency you want. Taste and adjust ingredients as needed.
Pesto Rolls
Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with wax paper. Roll out dough into a large rectangle on floored surface, about 9 inches by 13 inches or how ever big you want. Spread the pesto all over, like you would spread the cinnamon all over cinnamon rolls. Top the pesto with some more parmesan cheese. Roll up the rectangle of dough like you would a jelly roll (or cinnamon rolls). Cut and place on baking sheets. Sprinkle a little cheese on top if you want. Bake for about 25-30 minutes, until the tops are starting to brown. Remove and let cool. THEN DEVOUR!!!!
Today #16
Today #16
A Pretty Cool Day
A Pretty Cool Day
Today, being the day my GB Lindsay came into town, was a fun day and a silly day. In fact, I woke up to her phone call, and we made plans to make pesto rolls for lunch. Her friend Mike from school was visiting. I like him; he's funny. Although, Mandy Funagus (?) didn't like the band he was wearing on his shirt.
We got together to make pesto rolls--because we always used to go to the CO-OP to get pesto rolls--and they were delicious. Better than the ones at the CO-OP. See Recipe #3 for details. We made lots of sillies in the kitchen. Lots of Dulcine smiles.
Then I went to work with Mandy Fanugus (?). There were a lot of books--too many books. We also made many sillies. We have a candy drawer at work, and there is a lady that works right next to it, and we think that she silently judges us every time we go back to get candy because we go about five times a day. She's the troll that guards the treasure. But actually, she's really nice. It's just fun to pretend.
We went to get ice cream for our break, because on Thursdays, Licks Unlimited sells delicious scoops for only one American dollar. I got maple nut, which had walnuts. I do love nuts. Except, there was too much walnut. We created a new name for me, which is Lil' Porky, or Mizz Lil' Porky if you're Mandi. There's a sign outside Licks that says, "Who needs Disneyland? You've got Licks Unlimited!" but at first, I thought it said, "Who needs Disneyland? Get fat!" (Mandi: This is what I couldn't remember earlier.)
I had a great idea at work, and the idea is listed in Idea #1.
After work, I hung out with Lindsay and Mike some more. We went to a kool pool party hosted by the orthodontist of Pullman/Moscow. They threw frozen shirts at the ground to try to break them open and put them on. The prize was a $20 gift card. It was chaos! Three bros (figurative, not literal) won, and they looked really into it. Then, we went to the Daily Grind and it was a party for Lindsay. There were a lot of human beans. T-Money and Owen got Pokémon tattoos of Koffing and Charmander respectively. They were some of the coolest tattoos I've seen. If I were to get one, I might get Jigglypuff (old fav) or Dragonair (new fav).
Finally, we all went to Colfax to explore an abandoned building. I'm not positive, but I think it used to be an orphanage for disabled kids. Super creepy. We made it to the roof, and I peed off the edge. It was one tall building. We checked out all the floors, and in the basement, we found a super cool dirt crawlspace, but didn't pursue. In one of the rooms, we set up a wheelchair with a broken crutch, a mirror, a first aid kit, an old record player, some police line caution tape, a teacup, and a little doll. Right in the middle. It was a bit cheesy in the end. Perhaps we should have left it at the doll and the wheelchair. I hope I didn't inhale some asbestos. I should take some Vitamin W(eird) just in case.
We got together to make pesto rolls--because we always used to go to the CO-OP to get pesto rolls--and they were delicious. Better than the ones at the CO-OP. See Recipe #3 for details. We made lots of sillies in the kitchen. Lots of Dulcine smiles.
Then I went to work with Mandy Fanugus (?). There were a lot of books--too many books. We also made many sillies. We have a candy drawer at work, and there is a lady that works right next to it, and we think that she silently judges us every time we go back to get candy because we go about five times a day. She's the troll that guards the treasure. But actually, she's really nice. It's just fun to pretend.
We went to get ice cream for our break, because on Thursdays, Licks Unlimited sells delicious scoops for only one American dollar. I got maple nut, which had walnuts. I do love nuts. Except, there was too much walnut. We created a new name for me, which is Lil' Porky, or Mizz Lil' Porky if you're Mandi. There's a sign outside Licks that says, "Who needs Disneyland? You've got Licks Unlimited!" but at first, I thought it said, "Who needs Disneyland? Get fat!" (Mandi: This is what I couldn't remember earlier.)
I had a great idea at work, and the idea is listed in Idea #1.
After work, I hung out with Lindsay and Mike some more. We went to a kool pool party hosted by the orthodontist of Pullman/Moscow. They threw frozen shirts at the ground to try to break them open and put them on. The prize was a $20 gift card. It was chaos! Three bros (figurative, not literal) won, and they looked really into it. Then, we went to the Daily Grind and it was a party for Lindsay. There were a lot of human beans. T-Money and Owen got Pokémon tattoos of Koffing and Charmander respectively. They were some of the coolest tattoos I've seen. If I were to get one, I might get Jigglypuff (old fav) or Dragonair (new fav).
Finally, we all went to Colfax to explore an abandoned building. I'm not positive, but I think it used to be an orphanage for disabled kids. Super creepy. We made it to the roof, and I peed off the edge. It was one tall building. We checked out all the floors, and in the basement, we found a super cool dirt crawlspace, but didn't pursue. In one of the rooms, we set up a wheelchair with a broken crutch, a mirror, a first aid kit, an old record player, some police line caution tape, a teacup, and a little doll. Right in the middle. It was a bit cheesy in the end. Perhaps we should have left it at the doll and the wheelchair. I hope I didn't inhale some asbestos. I should take some Vitamin W(eird) just in case.
(PS: This actually happened on Thursday, but I left for my family vacation so I couldn't post it. We're in western Washington. NEAR FORKS, WA!!!!)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Story #3
Real story this time. Nothing new--I'm just moving it from my Facebook.
Story #3
Condom from David Sedaris
It is Thursday evening and my brother John asks me if I have heard of David Sedaris. "Of course," I reply, after which he tells me that Mr. Sedaris will be speaking in Spokane this Saturday at 2:00 pm. I am scheduled for work this Saturday from 12:30 pm to 5:00 pm.
It is Friday afternoon and I am at work. I asked my brother Brendan to call the bookstore that is hosting the event to see whether there are any tickets left. He calls me back to tell me that they are sold out. I am currently straightening the 780's in adult nonfiction.
It is Friday evening and I am contemplating whether I should go. I have read only one of Sedaris' essays and heard only a few more on This American Life. I want to go. I decide that sold-out tickets are not a good enough reason to stop me from listening to David Sedaris.
It is Saturday morning and my brothers and I leave for Spokane.
It is Saturday afternoon and I am sitting near the front row, watching David Sedaris speak. He talks about breast milk and about Nicaragua. In my hand, I hold an orange ticket that was given to me for free with the number 281 written on it. This is the number in line I have to get a signing.
It is still Saturday afternoon and I am given a condom by Mr. Sedaris. I am currently holding a different orange ticket, given to me by my brothers, given to them by a stranger exiting the room. On it is the number 31.
It is moments before I acquire the condom. As we are speaking, he is signing two books. One belongs to Neill Public Library and the other I will give to my co-worker Laura, the one who traded shifts with me so I that could come. I think autographed books are silly, so I don't have one signed for myself. I want to tell him about my entire life, but instead, I just tell him about each of the two books.
"How old are you?" he asks.
"18," I reply.
"So are you in high school or college?" he asks, and I tell him that I will be going to the University of Chicago this fall. "That's where fun goes to die," he says. "It is!" I say.
"Before you go to the University of Chicago--" he says as he reaches into his bag. I am hoping he will give me a special pass to meet Ira Glass at the Chicago Public Radio station, but instead, he pulls out a strip of condoms. He finishes his thought as he rips one off, but I can't entirely make out what it is he says. I do, however, hear the phrases, "I don't want to be responsible," "some poor virgin," and "in the ass." I thank him, and then I leave. I don't question why he has so many condoms in his bag.
It is Saturday night and I think that David Sedaris has told me to have butt sex before leaving for Chicago.
Story #3
Condom from David Sedaris
It is Thursday evening and my brother John asks me if I have heard of David Sedaris. "Of course," I reply, after which he tells me that Mr. Sedaris will be speaking in Spokane this Saturday at 2:00 pm. I am scheduled for work this Saturday from 12:30 pm to 5:00 pm.
It is Friday afternoon and I am at work. I asked my brother Brendan to call the bookstore that is hosting the event to see whether there are any tickets left. He calls me back to tell me that they are sold out. I am currently straightening the 780's in adult nonfiction.
It is Friday evening and I am contemplating whether I should go. I have read only one of Sedaris' essays and heard only a few more on This American Life. I want to go. I decide that sold-out tickets are not a good enough reason to stop me from listening to David Sedaris.
It is Saturday morning and my brothers and I leave for Spokane.
It is Saturday afternoon and I am sitting near the front row, watching David Sedaris speak. He talks about breast milk and about Nicaragua. In my hand, I hold an orange ticket that was given to me for free with the number 281 written on it. This is the number in line I have to get a signing.
It is still Saturday afternoon and I am given a condom by Mr. Sedaris. I am currently holding a different orange ticket, given to me by my brothers, given to them by a stranger exiting the room. On it is the number 31.
It is moments before I acquire the condom. As we are speaking, he is signing two books. One belongs to Neill Public Library and the other I will give to my co-worker Laura, the one who traded shifts with me so I that could come. I think autographed books are silly, so I don't have one signed for myself. I want to tell him about my entire life, but instead, I just tell him about each of the two books.
"How old are you?" he asks.
"18," I reply.
"So are you in high school or college?" he asks, and I tell him that I will be going to the University of Chicago this fall. "That's where fun goes to die," he says. "It is!" I say.
"Before you go to the University of Chicago--" he says as he reaches into his bag. I am hoping he will give me a special pass to meet Ira Glass at the Chicago Public Radio station, but instead, he pulls out a strip of condoms. He finishes his thought as he rips one off, but I can't entirely make out what it is he says. I do, however, hear the phrases, "I don't want to be responsible," "some poor virgin," and "in the ass." I thank him, and then I leave. I don't question why he has so many condoms in his bag.
It is Saturday night and I think that David Sedaris has told me to have butt sex before leaving for Chicago.
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