Sunday, January 31, 2010

List #4

List #4
Words I Had to Teach My Phone (Abridged)

Avatar, balsamic, barf, bastard, biotch, bitches, blegh, boner, boob, boobies, booger, bummed, clit, constipation, cumming, curd, damn, dick, dokey, douche, drat, duper, Eileenular, Facebook, farted, farting, FFSKHMCBC, fiesta, fuck, fucked, fucker, fuckers, gack, galette, gyro, hotties, hurray, lentil, meringue, Methuselah, negatory, nerdy, NPL, okey, OMFG, oopsy, ovary, penis, phew, pissed, pissing, podcasts, pokey, pooped, puss, sassy, schizophrenic, semen, shit, shitty, slut, slutty, Ubuntu, UChicago, vaginas, Warcraft, whoops, Wikipedia, yay, yikes, yuck

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Thoughts #1

Thoughts #1

Blah blah blah, angst angst angst.

I used to have the coolest MySpace ever. I drew everything and scanned it into the computer and then put into a custom format. I'd put clever pictures with obscure meaning and write in Braille. I used to think I was hot shit. But now I find it funny. Those times in my life will account to nothing.


Sunday, January 17, 2010

Last Night #2

Last Night #2
Now Why On Earth Would I Do That?: A Title Longer Than Its Post

Last night, I cut off all my hair.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Opera #2

Opera #2

It's delicious and nutricious,
Delicious and nutricious,
It's so delicious and nutritious.
It's delicious and nutritious,
it is delicious and nutritious,
Nutritious and delicious:
It's oatmeal!
Delicious and nutritious,
Oatmeal is so delicious and nutritious,
Oatmeal is so delicious,
It is so nutritious.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Yesterday #3

Yesterday #3

After coming back from winter break, I remembered that I did not wash my sheets or towels before leaving. I put them in the washer (they almost didn't fit) and when they were done, I put them in the dryer. After paying for the load, I looked at the timer and saw that my clothes had 60 minutes left to dry. For whatever reason, I just stood there and watched my wet sheets rubbing against the plastic, leaving trails of slightly soapy water. Then, before I knew it, the timer said I only had 58 left. Two minutes had gone by. That is 1/30 of an hour, which is 1/24 of a day, which is 1/365 of a year (thus, 2 minutes is approximately 1/262800 of a year).

This may not seem like a lot, but that's only two minutes! Three minutes is 1/175200 of a year, and four minutes is 1/131400. That may seem small, but it's only four minutes! Think about how many four minutes there are! That's so many 1/131400 of my lives wasted!

So I was standing there, having this existential crisis, and I call Mandi to explain to her that every second that we are doing something, it is a second we are closer to the moment we die. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I mean, death is whatever. It just means that I have one second less to give people hugs or eat candy or make pasta. And that's a bit sad I guess. But I will have given many hugs and eaten lots of candy and made lots of pasta before I will have died, so maybe it's not that sad.


PS: There were a bunch of dead flies on the ground and water dripping from my washing machine. Signs of my decaying youth?

Incidentally, my things were not dry when I took them out of the drier and had to pay for a whole other hour of drying, and even then, the towels were still wet.