Tuesday, August 31, 2010

List #6

List #6
The Seven Dwarves

Scaby (like scabies)
Scrapie (like the disease)

Opera #3

Opera #3
New and Improved

I guess these aren't operas, they're just songs. I just started doing this thing where I replace a word for something random. These are my golden babies:

This little sponge of mine;
I'm gonna let it shine.
This little sponge of mine;
I'm gonna let it shine.

The jigsaw shack is a little old place
where we can get together

The Internet is for pron
The Internet is for pron

Don't cha wish your trollop* was just like me?

These pretzel illusions are in my head
Did not let me down when I was a kid
And parting with them
Is like parting with a childhood best friend

Bean, beans, the magical fruit
The more you masturbate, the more you toot
The more you toot, the better you feel
Let's have beans for every meal

California girls, we're unforgettable
Daisy dukes, potatoes on top

I wanna be a poopy bear so fuckin' bad

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlHUauwdv4k (ish)

Rainbow Brite
Rainbow Brite
One a penny, two a penny
Rainbow Brite

My lovely lady BAPS
Check it out

*Incidentally, trollop is my new favorite word

Today #17

Today #17

Today, being the last day of August, I'm going to share the thoughts I've been too lazy to post these last few weeks. I guess I'm kind of like an orgasm in that way. I just come out in spurts. That's disgusting. I can't believe I just said that. Want to know what else is like an orgasm? Juanita's tortilla chips. I could eat those all day.

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Idea #1

Idea #1
Crime and Punishment

After I become a biochemist, I will find a way to temporarily alter certain body parts and functions. Then, I will use this as a punishment for crimes. For example: If you're caught stealing something, you'll be punished with having enormous, sausage fingers for two months. For ugly graffiti, you will be re-engineered fart loudly and with a foul odor for a whole week. For driving under the influence, you will become lactose and gluten intolerant for a year. (This one is really bad because I think drinking under the influence is one of the worst things to do ever.) If you're already lactose and gluten intolerant, you will just have really runny poop every third month. Lots of leakage.

Recipe #3

Recipe #3
Pesto Rolls

Dough (adapted from the Moscow Food Co-op website)

1 1/4 cups water
1 cup of milk
1 tbsp honey
1/2 tbsp yeast
2 tsp salt
1 tbsp melted butter
5 1/2 cups flour

Put the milk and water in a heatproof bowl or measuring cup and heat in the microwave until very warm to the touch. Pour into a bowl and add yeast and honey. Stir until yeast is dissolved and let sit for about five minutes, or not. Add the salt and the butter, stir. Add flour and mix until combined. Remove from bowl and place on floured surface. Kneed for five to ten minutes, adding flour as you go. Don't add too much, as most people do--the dough should be very soft and moist, but should not stick to your hand when squeezed. Don't make it too dry! Place into bowl and cover. Let sit for ten minutes to an hour or longer, depending on how much you want. You don't even have to let it rise if you don't have time, you just won't have as much dough.

Pesto (adapted from the book, Pestos!)

2 cups fresh basil
2 cloves garlic or more
1/4 cup pine nuts
1/2 cup parmesan cheese
1/4 cup olive oil
salt and pepper

Put all ingredients into a food processor and chop until it's a fine paste. Add water until paste is the consistency you want. Taste and adjust ingredients as needed.

Pesto Rolls

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F. Line two baking sheets with wax paper. Roll out dough into a large rectangle on floored surface, about 9 inches by 13 inches or how ever big you want. Spread the pesto all over, like you would spread the cinnamon all over cinnamon rolls. Top the pesto with some more parmesan cheese. Roll up the rectangle of dough like you would a jelly roll (or cinnamon rolls). Cut and place on baking sheets. Sprinkle a little cheese on top if you want. Bake for about 25-30 minutes, until the tops are starting to brown. Remove and let cool. THEN DEVOUR!!!!

Today #16

Today #16
A Pretty Cool Day

Today, being the day my GB Lindsay came into town, was a fun day and a silly day. In fact, I woke up to her phone call, and we made plans to make pesto rolls for lunch. Her friend Mike from school was visiting. I like him; he's funny. Although, Mandy Funagus (?) didn't like the band he was wearing on his shirt.

We got together to make pesto rolls--because we always used to go to the CO-OP to get pesto rolls--and they were delicious. Better than the ones at the CO-OP. See Recipe #3 for details. We made lots of sillies in the kitchen. Lots of Dulcine smiles.

Then I went to work with Mandy Fanugus (?). There were a lot of books--too many books. We also made many sillies. We have a candy drawer at work, and there is a lady that works right next to it, and we think that she silently judges us every time we go back to get candy because we go about five times a day. She's the troll that guards the treasure. But actually, she's really nice. It's just fun to pretend.

We went to get ice cream for our break, because on Thursdays, Licks Unlimited sells delicious scoops for only one American dollar. I got maple nut, which had walnuts. I do love nuts. Except, there was too much walnut. We created a new name for me, which is Lil' Porky, or Mizz Lil' Porky if you're Mandi. There's a sign outside Licks that says, "Who needs Disneyland? You've got Licks Unlimited!" but at first, I thought it said, "Who needs Disneyland? Get fat!" (Mandi: This is what I couldn't remember earlier.)

I had a great idea at work, and the idea is listed in Idea #1.

After work, I hung out with Lindsay and Mike some more. We went to a kool pool party hosted by the orthodontist of Pullman/Moscow. They threw frozen shirts at the ground to try to break them open and put them on. The prize was a $20 gift card. It was chaos! Three bros (figurative, not literal) won, and they looked really into it. Then, we went to the Daily Grind and it was a party for Lindsay. There were a lot of human beans. T-Money and Owen got Pokémon tattoos of Koffing and Charmander respectively. They were some of the coolest tattoos I've seen. If I were to get one, I might get Jigglypuff (old fav) or Dragonair (new fav).

Finally, we all went to Colfax to explore an abandoned building. I'm not positive, but I think it used to be an orphanage for disabled kids. Super creepy. We made it to the roof, and I peed off the edge. It was one tall building. We checked out all the floors, and in the basement, we found a super cool dirt crawlspace, but didn't pursue. In one of the rooms, we set up a wheelchair with a broken crutch, a mirror, a first aid kit, an old record player, some police line caution tape, a teacup, and a little doll. Right in the middle. It was a bit cheesy in the end. Perhaps we should have left it at the doll and the wheelchair. I hope I didn't inhale some asbestos. I should take some Vitamin W(eird) just in case.

(PS: This actually happened on Thursday, but I left for my family vacation so I couldn't post it. We're in western Washington. NEAR FORKS, WA!!!!)