Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Today #6

Today #6
Tyme for Dreams!

Today, being the second day of classes, I went to the Dollar Store (in which 90% of the inventory was over $1) with Lexie, Brisinda, and Kathy. On the way, I decided what I want to do with the rest of my life, and what I want to do with the rest of my life is this:

I want to be wizard that creates magic dusts that do to the mind what Dance Dance Revolution does to the body. By utilizing viruses, bacteria, and fungi, I will make lots of people and animals go happy happy doodoo with Fun Tyme in the Mynd. Brisinda the Dream Ruiner says that these would be pathagens and would eventually kill me, but as we all know, Dream Ruiners only say what they do because of their own sexual insecurities.

I would like to think of myself as the Wizard of All That Is Wonderful. I would dress in a blue robe and hat with stars, and I would carry all sorts of pouches filled with my marvelous powders. I would prance up to squirrels and then I would say to the squirrels, "Hello, my friend! Tyme for Dreams!" I'd open a pouch, get a pinch of dust, and then sprinkle it on the squirrel. If the powder were seafoam green, maybe the squirrel would chase its tail for a while, pee itself, and then fall over and hyperventilate. Just like the squirrel I saw the other day. Imagine how much fun that squirrel must be having!

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

List #1

List #1
Items of 29 September 2009

Jamie Bell


Difference Between Muskmelon and Cantaloupe
From Wikipedia
Muskmelon (Cucumis melo 'reticulatus') is commonly known in the trade as a cantaloupe. However, no cantaloupes are actually grown commercially in the United States, only muskmelons. Cantaloupes (Cucumis melo 'cantaloupensis') are a rough warty fruit while muskmelon have the characteristic netting on the fruit rind.
A Few Recipe Websites

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Opera #1

Opera #1
Birthday Sex

"This is your birthday song,
it isn't very long!"

Recently #2
FroYo and Hotties

I'm not even sure how to talk about the recent stuff; it's all been a wild blaze of sweat, blood, and semen. I got FroYo today with Vincent house. FroYo and Bubble Tea are currently on the top of my favorites list. Same with winking. I thought everyone at UChicago was going to be super ugg, but this place has its hotties for sure. Time to go do laundry.

Shout Out #1
Girly Whirlies


Monday, September 14, 2009

Recently #1

Recently #1
Otherwise Called List #1

Recently, I've:

-made a sponge cake and cupcakes with only a wire whisk (includes whipped cream and frosting)
-wrote "maked a sponge cake and cupcakes..."
-been kept awake by loud sex
-bought cute underwear (red briefs)
-gained 5 lbs.
-gone sailing
-spent six hours out of the last thirty four hours sleeping
-had my flight canceled
-"slept" in O'Hare airport
-had my luggage lost
-drawn four masterpieces
-made a mixed CD
-had bunches of bubble tea

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Today #5

Today #5
Last Supper

Today, being the second to last day before I run away from home, was my Last Supper. I will be crucified tomorrow. I insisted that I would make everything, so we had homemade ravioli filled with wild rice and cranberries, topped with a walnut butter sauce. For dessert: cheesecake with fresh strawberry sauce. The cheesecake was great. The ravioli was a disaster. The rice was undercooked, the cranberries were too sweet, I forgot the walnuts in the filling, and the parmesan cooked too much in the butter sauce. Plus, I started very late so we didn't eat until about 9:00. Being an angsty teen, I was in a foul mood the whole time I was cooking, so by the end I just wanted to scarf down my food and rush off to bed where I could mope in the dark. Some Last Supper. I didn't even get a guy to kiss my cheek.

But who wants to hear about crap like that? Here is the funny situation I made up in my head.

Scenario #1
Chicken Butt

Nick: "Hey guys, guess what!"
Others: "What?"
Nick: "No, you have to guess."
Others: "Uhhh, you bought a cookbook."
Nick: "Nope, try again."
Others: "Youuu... drew a picture?"
Nick: "Close."
Others: "God, you're so annoying. Just tell us."
Nick: "Chicken butt!"
Others: "..."
Nick: "..."
Others: "Wait, is that all?"
Nick: "Yep." /walks off into the horizon/

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Last Night #1

Last Night #1
I'm Stupid

Last night, being between the hours that were dark yesterday evening and this morning, I slept over at Samantha's house. We spent almost 2 hours at IGA trying to get Nathalie fired. Because when you're fired, people get to throw rotten tomatoes at you as they taunt you about your unemployment. I slept about 3 hours that night because Samantha kept talking in her sleep. "Tah dah!," she would say--and even once, "I'm stupid." That's all. Oh, and I have a cold/sore throat. The Nyquil I took for the first time ever did not help very much.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Poem #3

Because this is a smoking hot blog and I am a smoking hot blogger, I listen to fan requests. The votes are in, and it looks like it's time for another poem. Is is a sequel to Poem #1 entitled Poem #3: Poem #1, part b.

Poem #3
Poem #3: Poem #1, part b
By: Nicholas Cassleman

I was saggy today
So I wrote a poem about it.
Then I cried because I like crying because love attention.
Poems make me feel hot and heavy.
I wish I were Cloyster
Because Cloyster is the vagina Pokémon.
Like Edward.
What a pussy.

The end.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Yesterday #1

Yesterday #1
Developing a Taste for Shit

Yesterday, being the day before today, I ate a yellow cherry tomato and almost threw up. As I was telling my friend Jessica, "Jessica, you are a complete failure that is going to end up on the streets, pregnant, dealing cocaine. I'm just going to have to get use to the fact that, for me, eating salads is like eating shit. I know you have to 'develop a taste' for things like beer, so i guess I'm just going to have to develop a taste for shit."

Incidentally, Jessica promised me to name her first child Tase, in honor of Tase T. Lentil.